Posts Tagged ‘foreign film’

I’m far from a prude… in fact, what’s the opposite of prude?  Perv?  Well, I’m not really a pervert, either.   I’m a healthy medium.

Okay, so if you really want to know, I googled to find the dirtiest Netflix movies possible.  It was just a curiosity thing.  I stumbled upon this movie, and decided to give it a whirl while I was–get this–job searching/applying.

And…  What the hell.

Here’s our plot–a suicidal woman pays a gay man to “watch” her for four nights.  And by watch, I mean she takes off her clothes and gets “in touch” with herself.  A euphemism for masturbation? You betcha.  A euphemism for some deep, pretentious self-identity analogies? Yup, that too!  I”m not sure what else I can say about this, except the dude gets jiggy with her.  And she rambles on a lot about her identity and position as a woman.

It’s not that I don’t get it, because I do.  And there is a point to this movie, but it’s hard to explain without spoiling what little of a plot there is.  I am not the type that brags, but I took more than a few feminist theory courses in college… like, way more than a few.  I’m very “I am woman, hear me roar.”  But this is just some weird, pornographic stuff.  I’m not even sure the rating, but it’s way more hardcore than the stuff you see on Skinamax or Showtime at 4 am.

And guys?  Yeah, you’ll probably get a boner.  Just fyi.

Recommended viewing setting: When nobody else is around and you’d like some “alone time.”

Recommended Viewing snacks:  Chicken breast.  Chicken thighs.  Chicken legs.  French cuisine.  Oysters and chocolate.  Ladyfingers.


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I just realized that it has been quite some time since I last posted.  Maybe this is because I was overwhelmed from switching from blogger to wordpress.  Or maybe this is because I have a.  gasp.  job.

It’s part time (but now permanent).  Retail.  I don’t like it.  It’s somehow physically laborious.  I get paid half of what I used to make.  I get demeaned by customers.  My coworkers are crazy.  Watching people spend money over ugly, unnecessary things is depressing.  I feel inept and am terrified for when I get a “real” job, because I feel like I will really suck at that.  Thank you, former employer, for my lack of occupational confidence!

But anyway, my friend (and former coworker) came over the other evening (after I was finished work.  Imagine that!) to do nothing. We played Lego Star Wars for a bit.  After a while, I asked if he would enjoy watching a movie for a bit.  He said sure, and I started to go through the Netflix listings.

I’m not much into advertising for companies, but Netflix–though you may have helped pull Blockbuster under–you, my friend, are a lifesaver.  I may have gone crazy without watching movies that are classic, obscure, and/or just plain WEIRD.

We started to watch Teeth when my friend asked if I ever saw The Human Centipede.  I said no, but was highly intrigued as he described the basic plot.  I found it available via streaming, so I asked him if he would mind if we switched.  He never saw it either, so we decided to watch that instead.

Ever see Clerks 2?  Dante says, “You never go ass to mouth!”  Well, the creators of The Human Centipede (First Sequence) decided to break that rule a bit.  What?  Confused yet?  Let me explain.

An evil doctor (a former specialist in conjoined twin separation) decides to start creating instead of separating–his first project is attaching three dogs together to make one mega dog.  But they died, so he decides to create something even awesomer–a human centipede.  But how does one do this?  Why, you kidnap foreign tourists, of course!

But you may ask, “What happens after they are kidnapped?”  Bahaha, evil doctor laugh, they are turned into the human centipede!  The surgeon

I dislike video games made from movies... but I can never hate on Atari.

explains to his three patients that he will surgically connect them in a line by placing one behind each other and attaching their butts to the person’s mouth behind them, thus forming a human centipede.  So in case this is too ambiguous, they survive by involuntarily eating the previous person’s shit.

Yup, I guess you can go ass to mouth in the heat of the moment.

There’s a whole bunch of other shit (excuse the pun) that happens in the movie, but that’s the basic premise.  Despite what you may think, there isn’t much blood and gore; in fact, I have seen more blood on tv than in this movie.  I guess it’s one of those movies that is cool because you think it’s worse than it is.  I mean, the idea is so repulsive that it sticks with you while you’re watching some scenes.  It’s a decent movie to watch, cinematographically speaking.  It doesn’t have a cheap look or feel to it, but they did a great job with whatever money they had to work with (ie. while you see the human centipede connected to each other, they do not show how they are physically surgically connected because they are strategically bandaged up).  I think I think the filmmaker knew it was a crazy, over the top idea, and it made me laugh rather than scare me (like Teeth).  While the movie relies much on the gross-out idea, I would have appreciated a bit of back story/explanation as to WHY the doctor wanted to do this, like what drove him to want to do this.  I was expecting a backstory of the doctor being a conjoined twin as a child, and his twin dying from surgery and wanting revenge.  Though when I think about that now, it may have been a little cheesy.

I often check wikipedia or imdb after I watch a movie, and I found out three interesting things:

1.  The concept for the movie was actually a joke the director Tom Six made amongst friends.  He said that sexual predators should have their mouths stitched to a truck driver’s butt as a punishment.

2.  There is a sequel that is being made/finishing up, supposedly to be released this year.  The Human Centipede (Full Sequence) will have the blood and gore that the first movie didn’t have.  Score!

3.  How do you know your movie is a success?  If there is a porn parody of it!  Insert The Human Sexipede.  Yup.

So if you are into bizarre movies, have a strong stomach to weird, gross-sounding films, or want to look incredibly pretentious for grotesque, check out The Human Centipede (First Sequence). It’s not going to scare you, but you will laugh, and as a bonus, say “Ewwwww” as you pray you never get kidnapped by an evil scientist.  But if you do, remember–you want to be the first segment of the centipede.  Totally the best position.

Recommended viewing environment–Before a scheduled surgery; while contemplating a career change; after a long day of work at the sewage treatment plant and/or hospital.

Recommended viewing snacks–German cuisine;  Japanese-American fusion cuisine; fudge.

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I asked a few people (my movie watcher friends) if they have ever seen Duck Season. “You mean the Looney Tunes short?” Nope, I’m talking about a fine little quirky Mexican film.

I first saw this movie not on Netflix, but by borrowing the DVD from a library. I have no idea how or why the library obtained this movie, because the library isn’t in a very hip spot, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard anyone speak Spanish around there. But anyhoo, libraries are great sources for free (though I have heard of some libraries “charging” rental fees for dvds and videos) movies–usually their collections consist of major blockbusters and classics, but you can also find some interesting obscure stuff that they must have picked up on the library supplier’s discount rack or something.

Temporada de patos (hereby referred to as Duck Season, because I can’t remember how to properly title things in Spanish) is a 2004 Mexican film. It’s in black and white, which should impress your hipster friends. It’s difficult to describe the movie without giving away too many details, mainly because there isn’t much plot, but here goes. Two teenage boys are chilling at the one’s home on a Sunday. Mom isn’t home. They have xbox (Specifically, Halo) and money for pizza. All is well for their day of chillaxing.

But… this is a movie, so you know something strange is going to happen. They encounter a stubborn (and lonely) neighbour. Their pizza delivery person is equally stubborn. These four characters mesh and talk about their lives on this particular Sunday. Holy crap, it sounds like The Breakfast Club, and I suppose it is with it’s interaction of similarities between unlikely characters, which is what this movie is all about. And yes, there is mention in the movie of the one character having a shitty job, so it’s right up the unemployed alley. 🙂

The dialogue isn’t particularly sharp or witty (Though the quote “John Lennon was a woman.” is particularly thought provoking!). There are no fancy special visual or sound effects. And I know that the plot doesn’t sound that great, but I feel like I’m trying to describe The Breakfast Club, which how do you really describe it except to say that a bunch of kids are in detention and realize how similar they are? I think of it like Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway. The title character realizes that the ordinary is really extraordinary. At risk of sounding incredibly optimistic and cheerful, life is made up of so many micro-miracles that we pass by (apologies if that sounds like something a Nicholas Sparks’ fan would say.). Last night, I laughed my ass off over a true story someone told me–I usually don’t laugh that hard over Hollywood movies.

Duck Season is a very well-put together movie about boring, dull days that because memorable. The director did a great job at giving the film that dry feel by using black and white film and plain camera shots. Even the actors look like average, everyday people. The DVD copy I watched was in Spanish with English subtitles, but the Netflix instant queue version is dubbed in English. I highly recommend Duck Season if you need some very light material to watch, if you are into the dramedy scene and/or enjoy movies like Little Miss Sunshine, or if you want to watch an unpretentious indie film. Just have some patience because it starts slow–like a lazy Sunday–and ends with that feeling of “Shit, my case of the Mondays is starting already… wait, where did my day go?!.”

Recommended viewing snacks: Pizza (slightly cold), Mexican cuisine (real if you can, Tex-Mex if you must; Taco Bell is always a recommendation), Green Kool-aid + cheap liquor (must be equal to or greater than 80 proof) + packet of salt from fast food restaurant = Poor people margaritas, Coke (yep, splurge for the good brand instead of that generic cola you’ve been buying), brownies.

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