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Posts Tagged ‘human centipede’

I just realized that it has been quite some time since I last posted.  Maybe this is because I was overwhelmed from switching from blogger to wordpress.  Or maybe this is because I have a.  gasp.  job.

It’s part time (but now permanent).  Retail.  I don’t like it.  It’s somehow physically laborious.  I get paid half of what I used to make.  I get demeaned by customers.  My coworkers are crazy.  Watching people spend money over ugly, unnecessary things is depressing.  I feel inept and am terrified for when I get a “real” job, because I feel like I will really suck at that.  Thank you, former employer, for my lack of occupational confidence!

But anyway, my friend (and former coworker) came over the other evening (after I was finished work.  Imagine that!) to do nothing. We played Lego Star Wars for a bit.  After a while, I asked if he would enjoy watching a movie for a bit.  He said sure, and I started to go through the Netflix listings.

I’m not much into advertising for companies, but Netflix–though you may have helped pull Blockbuster under–you, my friend, are a lifesaver.  I may have gone crazy without watching movies that are classic, obscure, and/or just plain WEIRD.

We started to watch Teeth when my friend asked if I ever saw The Human Centipede.  I said no, but was highly intrigued as he described the basic plot.  I found it available via streaming, so I asked him if he would mind if we switched.  He never saw it either, so we decided to watch that instead.

Ever see Clerks 2?  Dante says, “You never go ass to mouth!”  Well, the creators of The Human Centipede (First Sequence) decided to break that rule a bit.  What?  Confused yet?  Let me explain.

An evil doctor (a former specialist in conjoined twin separation) decides to start creating instead of separating–his first project is attaching three dogs together to make one mega dog.  But they died, so he decides to create something even awesomer–a human centipede.  But how does one do this?  Why, you kidnap foreign tourists, of course!

But you may ask, “What happens after they are kidnapped?”  Bahaha, evil doctor laugh, they are turned into the human centipede!  The surgeon

I dislike video games made from movies... but I can never hate on Atari.

explains to his three patients that he will surgically connect them in a line by placing one behind each other and attaching their butts to the person’s mouth behind them, thus forming a human centipede.  So in case this is too ambiguous, they survive by involuntarily eating the previous person’s shit.

Yup, I guess you can go ass to mouth in the heat of the moment.

There’s a whole bunch of other shit (excuse the pun) that happens in the movie, but that’s the basic premise.  Despite what you may think, there isn’t much blood and gore; in fact, I have seen more blood on tv than in this movie.  I guess it’s one of those movies that is cool because you think it’s worse than it is.  I mean, the idea is so repulsive that it sticks with you while you’re watching some scenes.  It’s a decent movie to watch, cinematographically speaking.  It doesn’t have a cheap look or feel to it, but they did a great job with whatever money they had to work with (ie. while you see the human centipede connected to each other, they do not show how they are physically surgically connected because they are strategically bandaged up).  I think I think the filmmaker knew it was a crazy, over the top idea, and it made me laugh rather than scare me (like Teeth).  While the movie relies much on the gross-out idea, I would have appreciated a bit of back story/explanation as to WHY the doctor wanted to do this, like what drove him to want to do this.  I was expecting a backstory of the doctor being a conjoined twin as a child, and his twin dying from surgery and wanting revenge.  Though when I think about that now, it may have been a little cheesy.

I often check wikipedia or imdb after I watch a movie, and I found out three interesting things:

1.  The concept for the movie was actually a joke the director Tom Six made amongst friends.  He said that sexual predators should have their mouths stitched to a truck driver’s butt as a punishment.

2.  There is a sequel that is being made/finishing up, supposedly to be released this year.  The Human Centipede (Full Sequence) will have the blood and gore that the first movie didn’t have.  Score!

3.  How do you know your movie is a success?  If there is a porn parody of it!  Insert The Human Sexipede.  Yup.

So if you are into bizarre movies, have a strong stomach to weird, gross-sounding films, or want to look incredibly pretentious for grotesque, check out The Human Centipede (First Sequence). It’s not going to scare you, but you will laugh, and as a bonus, say “Ewwwww” as you pray you never get kidnapped by an evil scientist.  But if you do, remember–you want to be the first segment of the centipede.  Totally the best position.

Recommended viewing environment–Before a scheduled surgery; while contemplating a career change; after a long day of work at the sewage treatment plant and/or hospital.

Recommended viewing snacks–German cuisine;  Japanese-American fusion cuisine; fudge.

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