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So…

I got a job.

Like, a real job.

It does not involve a cash register or deep fryer. It does not involve selling makeup or calling random strangers to hear your spiel about a great offer especially for valued customers like themselves.

I got a job with a desk, an office, and regular hours. I will hear office gossip. I will order out for lunch. I will get in thermostat wars with my coworkers. I will get paid more than minimum wage. I will maybe even wear a suit to work (though knowing this relaxed office environment, it won’t be often).

I got a job and I am terrified.

I am terrified of making mistakes. Of not being able to handle this job. Of being the new person. Of not understanding inside jokes. Of losing my job. I’m terrified that my imperfections will be seen as failures.

I know that all new situations bring upon a fear of the unknown. This is definitely an intense job, a big role, and I think that adds a bit to the uncertainty of the situation. I keep asking myself, can I do this again? It’s been over a year since I did this full time, relevant job thing. I’m glad I have been eased into the working world these past almost-six months, but working retail is far from working in a professional role (though I must say that retail is quite stressful in its own way).

I will wake up early. I will make a morning commute. I will have cases of the Mondays. I will have to leave my house at least five days a week. I will not have to worry about filing my unemployment claims. I will not be embarrassed when people ask me what I’ve been up to.

I got a job and I’m scared shitless… but not as much as when I was unemployed.

will definitely still review movies. thinking of my unemployed brethren.
keep hope alive.
-critically jobless.

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